I hurt. I'm pained. I feel like I'm in a nightmare. Where I wake up to an even grimmer reality. Trying to eat into my sanity.
Where is the semblance of sanity left? Where is the last shard of it?
Gone with the wind perhaps. Just perhaps.
Like everything else, it CAN be blown away by the wind. Life beats us up and smacks us behind.
I. Just. Hurt.
The world is harsh. Unforgiving. And I thought it was all done. Nope. Sigh*
Stop hurling stuff at me. Sometimes I'm not all that strong. Not all that tough.
Just because you don't see the real me does not mean you can hurl at me.
I hurt. Real bad. Someone give me a painkiller. An internal one. Just to stop this pain.
It has begun to numb up. I don't want a cold frozen heart. Warm me up. Please, warm me up.
Make me see that the last semblance of sanity was not hit and run by a bulldozer.
Oh Mr sandman, come and make me sleep. A blissful sleep.
Where nothing can touch me. Where I can spiral deeper into somewhere unknown. Far far from it all.
Oh Mr Nobody, take me into oblivion.
Oh God, please spare me. I cannot hurt anymore. I'm losing grip. My grip.
My once strong grip.
Hang in there gurl... Help will come...
ReplyDeleteLay it down slow... Lay it down free... Lay it down easy... But lay it on Me...
Take care sister, may God bless us all ^^
~ Psalm 139 ~
I've read a good devotional before; here is a quote...actually, I'm just going to paste the whole thing. :D
ReplyDelete(http://www.myutmost.org/11/1101.html)
YE ARE NOT YOUR OWN
"Know ye not that ... ye are not your own?" 1 Corinthians 6:19
There is no such thing as a private life - "a world within the world" - for a man or woman who is brought into fellowship with Jesus Christ's sufferings. God breaks up the private life of His saints, and makes it a thoroughfare for the world on the one hand and for Himself on the other. No human being can stand that unless he is identified with Jesus Christ. We are not sanctified for ourselves, we are called into the fellowship of the Gospel, and things happen which have nothing to do with us, God is getting us into fellowship with Himself. Let Him have His way, if you do not, instead of being of the slightest use to God in His Redemptive work in the world, you will be a hindrance and a clog.
The first thing God does with us is to get us based on rugged Reality until we do not care what becomes of us individually as long as He gets His way for the purpose of His Redemption. Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says - "Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine." If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.