A Miss Moon post. (After her sabbatical.)

My apologies to my fans, for the long sabbatical that I took. I had too many idiots writing to me and yeah, I have to help each and every one of them :/ That's what quack psychiatrists/counsellors are for ;)


-Miss Moon-


So here was one of the latest letters from a poor girl that got me all riled up. I was never irked worse. Guys, seriously, you better start treating your ladies right. Or else, you'll see a whole new generation of hot lesbians. Guy haters ;)


Here it goes:




Dear Miss Moon,


I saw your column in the papers. You seem like a very understanding columnist. Well, I've been having a lot of guy woes :( Guys, they never treat me right. My ex boyfriend, he used to beat me, hit me, and literally smash me up. Even in public. He drove me to my limit and I dumped him. I nearly lost all my friends because I never heeded their advice. I loved him a lot. 


Well, recently, I started dating again. My ex boyfriend however, is very unhappy about it. He hacked my Facebook account just to see who my new guy is. I was so angry. Never felt worst in my entire life. He begs me everyday and he calls me, telling me all this awful sob stories. Miss Moon, I'm a very soft hearted person. I feel so bad. Should I go back to him??


This new guy I'm dating now as well, he's a jerk. I don't know why, Miss Moon. I attract the worst jerks that exist on this huge planet. He hung up on me that day when he found out I still keep in touch with my ex. He also called me a b*tch and a sl*t. He even called my friend that when she tried to defend me. He's a serial monogamist and is highly egoistic. Sometimes I LOATHE guys so much I want to kill the entire population. Sigh* Miss Moon, help me out, please.


Yours truly,
Miss Broken E.


My reply:


Dear Miss Broken E,


Leave all these jerks. You deserve better. I have been stalking you and you are one of the most GORGEOUS girls I have seen, albeit shallow and bimbotic
but that aside, you're beautiful, girl.


All these egoistic morons, they don't deserve any attention. Not even the slightest nod of your head or the tiniest flick of your hair. (As dry as it is.) I know what you can do. Call both of them, invite them to your house. Do a weird double date kind of thing without them knowing. Get them drunk. Try and play wise. Seduce them, tease them, do it one by one. At the same time. Alternately, and make up excuses like say, you have to rush to the toilet, or change your outfits or you know, get some cuffs or something. Oh and do please handcuff them to the chair (preferably roller chairs.) Intoxicate them the best you can. Once both of them are equally drunk, wheel them into one room. Then, unlock the handcuffs you bound them with. Immediately leave and lock the door of the room they're in after that. Let them battle it out :)


Intoxicated guys are the funniest. They bash and they fight and especially since they hate each other. Your ex hates the current and vice versa. They deserve a huge smashing and pretty girls like you, don't get dirty hands ;)


Be wise my child. Love,
Miss Moon.




Headlines the next day: Two guys found dead in an apartment room. Both had battered skulls and handcuffs were found at the crime scene. It was a terrible death for the both of them. 


My respond to that:
Good :) She played wise. She's not charged or anything, just the two morons that deserved it; they got their punishment :) *EVIL GRIN*
Mission accomplished.


Cheerios, Miss Moon. Xx.