The implosion.

Candid for a smile :)

I'm at the height of desolation. The brink of a breaking inner disaster. I don't know how to put that in words but yeah.

The mask has been on for too long. Methods of escapism used like the masks; they're not working anymore. What if my "happy" covers are blown?? I don't want to be exposed. That's the last thing on earth I want. It's sheer terror, this hurt I'm facing. And it's true. The past comes back to haunt. It's a true saying. I'm just scared. Of everything, the future, the present and even myself. I end up hurting me. I should learn to have more faith and confidence in myself. That I'm better than those who bring me down. Or try to tear me apart. I over think stuff perhaps?? Just perhaps.

Internal turmoil is not a very nice thing to go through at 3.21 am.

When all is at rest, at peace and is quiet, you can hear the accusatory voices. That you haven't been good enough and the accusing just gets more. And then it starts to hurt. Till breaking point?? When you cry yourself into your pillow, the salt just gets mixed with the evils of the world.

Some pains linger on for a long time even after the damage is done. It's the ligament tearing kind of pain that we actually want instead of this inner pangs of pain. These hurts accumulate and end up in one massive implosion. Not explosion, mind you, It's internal once again. Actually, the biggest most painful wars fought are internal. On the inside. Never on the outside. Inner wars leave the biggest scars, the most painful raw marks, and the worse kind of post trauma.
I make mistakes. Of the worst kind.
I'm ranting. As usual, I need an outlet to release all these negative feelings.

P.s# Everything around me links me back to you. Everything I do subconsciously, has an effect on me. And I miss a certain passion of mine. I miss it so bad I actually feel empty. On the inside. I'm not moving anywhere to my goals. I'm so hurt.

p.P.S# I miss you. I really do. Sometimes, things fall into place for the better or the worse. Or it's just how we perceive them.

Signing off, hurt. (Badly)