I'm going to bring out my inner columnist. I should NEVER be allowed to give advice in columns.
Case number 1:
Dear Miss Moon, my wife constantly drives me CRAZY!! She constantly brings her "boyfriends" back, she parties like an animal and I can't control her. We've been married for over ten years now. I don't understand her new erratic behavior. It's driving me into a mental depression. I'm losing my hair and my pubic hair is turning white. That drives her wilder, she thinks she has an OLD husband. Please, Miss Moon please help me. Her constant alcohol body odor is also a turn off and I can't please her in bed.
By: Mr almost insane.
My reply: Dear Mr almost Insane (Hoo boy, WHAT A NAME), maybe you are getting old and ugly. Maybe you should get rid off those ugly old Hawaiian "datuk" clothes. Oops, Datuk in Malaysia also means a man with a title. (They usually dress ugly too)
Anyway, maybe you should unleash your inner animal too. You never know, your wife might have a fetish for monkeys. You should eat more bananas and grow more hair/fur. I heard animal poo is a good hair fertilizer :) Depressed?? Morphine shots or ecstacy or Prozac might help. Just triple the dosage. Can't perform?? Use Viagra. It helps. Or Tongkat Ali. Pronounced as AH-LEE, (Since you're non Malaysian). Also stick two menthol inhalers in your nose when your wife wants you in bed. That might throw off the alcoholic odor. Also, use 4 condoms instead of one so you'd seem bigger than her boyfriends' :) Oh and white pubic hair?? Use Wella hairdye or Loreal DIY. VERY EASY steps :) Use Colorado red, It's hot :)
Headlines of tomorrow's newspapers: Man going by the pseudonym of Mr almost insane commits suicide. Driven on by renowned columnist, Miss Moon :)
Toodles,
Miss Moon :)
P.s# Tell me if you like it. Comment or leave a note in my cbox. Or I might not continue the Miss moon saga. LOVE ;)
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